January is always a tricky month for me.

Filled with a list of resolutions and a blank 2008 date book. 

I scratched in birthdays and anniversaries under the empty dates last night just to make sure something was happening in the new year.

The gypsy life is one that I lead and jobs come and go when they feel like it.  Like fishing.  And my pole, always in the water.  Always on the ready for that bite to happen.  But in the interim, I must sit patiently and wait. 

But who is good at that?

Certainly not me.

I have a good friend that also has nothing on her plate for the new year and has shared her perspective with me.  She said that while a blank slate is certainly scary- not to have anything pinned down or planned out- she found a great release and freedom from it.  There is nothing holding her back.  There is nothing tieing her down.  There are no commitments.  No signatures scribbled on paper.

I am trying to wear that idea of freedom as I walk into this new year.  I have nothing and nothing has me.  I can make 2008 whatever I want it to be.  I can travel everyday as in a free fall, floating until something catches my fancy and I make the decision to follow.

I am the one in yoga class that can't wait to move.  Can't wait to get it on with already.  I want it to be hard and I want to sweat and feel all gooey and lightheaded in an hour and 15 minutes.  Meditation is what I am the worst at.  All that sitting.  All that stillness.  And yet, when I give over to it (now and then)- I often feel something beside me.  An energy shield.  A whisper.  Something telling me that it is okay.  It is okay to slow down.  It is okay to be still.  I don't have to have commitments to feel alive.  I don't have to be busy to just be me. 

I am trying to wrestle with that for this month.  The month of commercials yelling at me to diet and sign up for a gym and oh yeah, by the way, have you started working on your taxes?  When the media is having a field day with makeovers and nutritional plans, Britney and beauty aids, I will try and find some solace and some stillness in me.  Try to sit in every day and be okay with doing a little bit of nothing. 

Watch the snow.  Admire the foam on my cappuccino.  Read more.  And wait. 

Something will come.  It always does.